Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Careful What You Wish For

The fact that we keep wanting new and different things is good, right? It keeps us growing and changing. But, also, I think it's important to find peace and contentment with where we are right now. Presently, I have a doting husband and two loving and happy boys (just what I've wished for for many, many years), but I seem to be going crazy with the need for some time and space for just me. It feels like each and every minute must be devoted to them or else they are literally climbing all over me. I feel bad about feeling this way, mostly because I know it will be just a few short years and they will be off on their own and I'll be wishing for them again. In the end, I'm making myself grumpy and grouchy for no good reason; I think it's just because that's how I've gotten use to being. Sometimes I feel like I should just throw out (quite literally) everything that surrounds me that doesn't revolve around my young sons (amost 4 yr and 20 mo). Now I'm feeling more guilty than ever because my older son is showing some of the same nervous signs that I exhibit - they are painful and upsetting, and he certainly doesn't need to be feeling them - he's not even four! I know that "if Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." I want to be happy, but I can't seem to kick myself in the pants! The formative years are the first five and I find myself with just one left with Frank. He knows how to be clean, and neat, and cook, but I worry I haven't taught him how to be happy and content with life.


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