Monday, April 28, 2008

Disappointment Shock

Since this afternoon, I have just been going through the motions of life in a state of shock. Someone has rejected me; in the process they lied and gave / took away some things that meant a lot to me.

You’d think that having known a person for nearly three decades, I’d know about their habits… I just keep on believing in the best, thinking love and patience will win out. It hasn’t, and today, I was hurt badly and, worst of all, I feel that the injury was completely intentional. It makes me want to cry… no, actually, I have cried.

I persist in thinking the best of people. In believing in them and what they say.

People say I have “High Expectations”. I do. Of myself and of others. They say it like it’s a bad thing. I think it’s good to have high expectations. They say if you shoot for the stars, you might fall short and hit the moon… or something like that.

This week I have learned that the word of a certain person is worth less than the filth that surrounds her place of business. And. It’s going to cost me… my entire Economic Stimulus Payment, because I believed in her word.

I just struggle with this. I’ve been trying so hard to think the best of people, I guess I haven’t been getting in “The Feeling Place” of what it would feel like to have them be honest and good.

This is bigger (to me) than it sounds when I write it. That’s because while I want to write to express myself, I also don’t want to dwell on the details or drag someone else down.

I guess I just need the therapy of expressing my feelings, and I hope that it helps me to let go and continue my journey down the stream of life.

Thanks for listening.

1 comment:

Becky said...

I am sorry that you have been having a hard time and I hope that things get easier.